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whiteraven191 ([personal profile] whiteraven191) wrote2017-05-21 09:38 am

After Chapters 3-4

 Hello, everybody!  Welcome back to After.  Last time, Tessa went to college while making rude comments about everyone and saw, but was not formally introduced, to her "love interest".   Riveting.  Let's see what awaits us in the next chapters! Our chapter opens after Tessa listening to an hour-long lecture from her mom on the dangers of boys and parties.  I'd call her mom paranoid, but I know what's coming later in the story. "With a Carol Young-style quick hug and kiss, [the mom] exits the dorm room..." What does that mean?  According to Wikipedia, she's a bluegrass singer.  Suethor, if you're going to make references to celebrities, maybe pick ones that are slightly more well known.  

Noah and Tessa hug goodbye, and Tessa reveals that she's bought Noah the same brand of cologne for the past 3 Christmases.  Really, Tessa?  You couldn't be bothered to branch out a bit?  You just like that scent on him that much?  Tessa promises that they'll talk every day and they kiss good-bye.  It's a relatively nice scene, other than the bit about the cologne.  

Once her mom and Noah has left, she starts unpacking.  She hangs up some of her clothes in a closet that she apparently has to share with Steph.  Good lord, just how small are these dorms?

How Do I College?: 4

Tessa also "cringe[s] at the amount of leather and animal prints covering the other side."

You Judgmental Ass: 12 

Now that Tessa's all alone in her dorm, she's feeling lonely enough to wish that Steph was here with her friends, even though the boys make Tessa uncomfortable.

You Judgmental Ass: 13  

Niall was nice as pie to you!  And yeah, Harry/Hardin might have been staring at his phone, but you and your mom and your boyfriend were all staring at him like he was something from a freak show.  For once, I don't actually blame him for being kind of rude.  Tattoos are not enough of a reason to be uncomfortable around a person.  Oh, wait, Tessa wasn't done complaining about Steph.  Here's the rest of the paragraph:
 
"I have a feeling she'll be gone a lot, or worse, she may have company over too often.  Why couldn't I get a roommate who loved to stay in and read or study?"


You Judgmental Ass: 15


Tessa spends her evening getting her planner set up and thinking about a literary club she plans on joining.   Apparently she's going to have to schedule a meeting with them to join instead of going to the club fair like a normal person.  

How Do I College?: 5


This also lets me start yet another count!

ELJ Is That You?: 1
 

For whenever the writing is reminiscent of the Fifty Shades of Grey series.  And that literary club Tessa's thinking about sure reminds me of Ana being a Lit student and joining a publishing company.  Tessa also thinks about how its kind of inconvenient that she doesn't have her own car and thus has to rely on public transportation, but on the other hand, she isn't sure she wants the responsibility of having a car.  I like these little flashes of characterization we get.  If only the suethor had done a few rounds of edits; this might have turned into a perfectly nice romance novel.  Eventually, Tessa dozes off "with thoughts of schedules, red haired girls, and friendly blonde's covered in tattoos" dancing through her head.  All grammar errors in the quote belong to the Suethor.

ELJ Is That You?: 2


Because that sounds exactly like how Ana would describe her dreams. The next morning Steph isn't in her bed.  Tessa says she'd like to make friends, but if Steph's always going to be out, it doesn't seem worth the effort.  On the one hand, it does feel like Tessa's judging Steph for always being out with friends, but on the other hand, it is pretty hard to make friends with someone if you almost never see them.  I'll hold off on a point for now.  

Tessa grabs her toiletry kit (funny, I thought she only had some clothes and books) and heads to the showers, complaining the whole way. Specifically, she wishes that each room could have its own shower.  You know Tessa, here on the East Coast, I toured at some schools that had a set-up where there would be pairs of dorms that would have a shared shower.  Maybe, if you'd actually gone on campus tours instead of picking your college solely by the brochures and website, you'd have managed to find a school like that where you are.  

She's also shocked to discover that the bathroom is co-ed, which is yet another thing she would've already known if she'd gone on a campus tour. I don't know if I should give this a How Do I College? point or not.  Co-ed (or, rather, gender-neutral) bathrooms are a thing that exist on some campuses, but I've only seen them in a co-ed dorm building.  Tessa's supposed to be in the girls' dorm.  I was in my school's girls' dorm and not only did we not have gender-neutral bathrooms, we didn't even have a men's room.  They had to use the single-stall room next to the RA's office.

Due to the small shower size, Tessa ends up accidentally knocking her clothes onto the damp floor.   Now, Tessa hast to go back to her room wrapped only in a towel to find some dry clothes to change into.  And who should be in her room but the brown-haired boy from last chapter.  Shock!  Horror!

Chapter 4
 

Tessa asks where Steph is but the boy just smirks at her.  And I'm starting a new count.

But He Was So Normal: 1


This is a working title for the count until I come up with a more original one.  It's from Ket Makura and Gehayi's Fifty Shades of Grey sporking, and counts whenever our love interest here does something creepy or abusive.  He finally says he doesn't know where Steph is, and then we get this paragraph:


"What is he even doing here if he doesn't know where she is?  Doesn't he have his own room?  I bite my tongue, trying to keep my rude questions to myself."


Those...really aren't that rude.  I mean, you could probably word them a bit politer, but they're both perfectly valid questions to ask a guy you barely know who just showed up randomly in your room with no warning.  Tessa asks him if he could maybe, you know, GTFO while she changes (OK, she says it nicer than that, you get my point.)  The boy's response?  "Don't flatter yourself, it's not like I am going to look at you."  THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT BETTER, ASSHAT!  

But He Was So Normal: 2


Dude, this isn't your room!  You can tell you're making her uncomfortable!  What is wrong with you?  And remember this scene; I'll be screaming about it again down the line.  Tessa, instead of going to an RA or making further demands that he get out, gives up and starts changing.  As she does so, she wonders if the reason he said he wouldn't look at her is because he's gay.

ELJ Is That You?: 3

Because obviously that's the only reason a guy wouldn't want to look at you naked after you've told him not to, Tessa.  As she changes, he demands to know if she's done yet.  Because he's clearly the one being inconvenienced here, not Tessa having to deal with changing in front of someone she's not comfortable around.

But He Was So Normal: 3


That particular bit of rudeness finally gets Tessa to yell at him.  The boy just laughs at her and Tessa gets distracted by his pretty laugh and dimples.  Woman, he finds the fact that he's made you very uncomfortable hilarious.  This is not someone you should be drooling over!

But He Was So Normal: 4

Thankfully, Steph shows up to put an end to this awkward scene.  She apologizes for not warning Tessa that Harry/Hardin was coming over.  Tessa calls him Steph's boyfriend but is quickly corrected, which leads to this bit of dialogue:

"Harry has a..unique way of conversing" she explains, looking back to me.  Lovely, so basically what she is saying is Harry is, simply a rude person.
 
 
Yes, Tessa.  Well spotted.  Now if only you could hold onto this impression for the rest of the novel.  Steph then invites Tessa to a party she's going to.  I never went to parties, so I don't know how much sense it makes to have a party the first night of college.  Tessa, being the Purity Sue of the novel, declines, saying she was going to take a bus into town to buy some decorations for her room.  Steph tells her that the buses are pretty unpleasant on Saturdays, so she shouldn't bother and it would clearly make her really happy if Tessa came to the party with her.  Tessa thinks this to herself: "I've only known her for a day, should I trust her?"  Tessa, Steph has been nothing but nice to you, even if she does have kind of rubbish taste in friends.

You Judgmental Ass: 16

Harry says there's no way Tessa would go to a party, so Tessa agrees to go just to prove him wrong.  That's definitely a good reason to go to a party you don't actually want to go to.  Our chapter ends with Steph hugging Tessa in excitement.  Steph has been giving me serious Alice Cullen vibes this whole scene so I'm giving her one of these:

Meyer, Is That You?: 3


And that is where I'm ending things.  Next time: Tessa goes to a party and complains about everything!

Counts:

You Judgmental Ass: 16
Meyer, Is That You?: 3
How Do I College?: 5
ELJ Is That You?: 3
But He Was So Normal: 4